My Wife of 9 Years Says That She Wants to Give up Our Daughters for Adoption

A devoted husband’s wife didn’t want children when they got married but ended up welcoming two daughters. One day, the stay-at-home wife approached him, saying she wanted to give their children up for adoption, causing their relationship to fall apart.

A 35-year-old male Reddit user took to the platform’s “relationships” subreddit seeking advice. He revealed that he had been with his wife, 33, since college and they were together for nine years. They married shortly after graduating and had the time of their lives as a childless couple.

When they first got together, the original poster’s (OP) wife clarified early on that she didn’t plan to have children. Initially, it disappointed the man, but he didn’t think much about it. Things were perfect for them in the early years of their marriage.

They were in love, and despite OP’s demanding work schedule, they made things work and spent much time together. One day, the woman discovered that her birth control failed. He supported her, assuring her he’d support whatever choice she made.

Initially, OP’s wife planned to abort the child. A day before the appointment, however, she changed her mind. In the first few years, they were loving parents to a sweet daughter. Two years later, his wife surprised him when she decided she wanted another child.

The man thinks of his children as “absolutely perfect,” as they are both well-behaved and, to him, ahead of their age, at five and three years old. However, over time, OP felt something negative was going on with his wife.

While he acknowledged she’d always been their daughters’ primary caretaker, she’d been hands-off whenever he was home. The devoted dad didn’t mind spending extra time with his daughters, but he realized that his wife ignored them at every chance. She’d retreat to their bedroom and lock the door behind her.

For a while, his wife insisted she was okay. However, she finally told her husband her deepest, darkest desire one night. After putting the kids to sleep, the woman sat her husband down so they could talk. She began reminiscing about their time as a young couple and how much fun they used to have.

Initially, the woman was sweet and funny, causing her husband to let his guard down as he believed it was harmful reminiscing. Then, she said something that completely caught him off-guard:

“Back before we had the girls, we could do anything we wanted. I wish we could go back to that.”

OP asked her what she meant by that statement and after some nudging, she finally admitted that she regretted having children. The Redditor thought she said that because she was going through something and explained that while he sometimes felt overwhelmed, he’d always love his daughters. His wife mumbled something, and when he asked her to repeat it, she yelled:

“I DON’T LOVE THEM!”

OP was stunned! He waited for his wife to stop crying, and when she finally composed herself, she started talking again. “I sat there with my mouth hanging open. She was saying how she had been looking into adoption agencies and foster care. She had contacted one agency already. She was making plans to give away my CHILDREN,” the man revealed in disbelief.

He listened to his wife talk about how great of a time they’d have once the children were out of the picture. She said they could have their lives back and experience everything they used to as a childless couple. OP didn’t know what to do. However, when she was asleep, he packed his bags, got his children, and drove to his mother’s house.

He called in sick from work for a week. When his wife woke up, she left him several missed calls, texts, and voicemails. Admittedly, he didn’t look at them right away, instead, he spoke to his mom about what he should do but she also didn’t know what to do.

OP, thinking proactively, knew he needed to speak to lawyers and mental health professionals. A part of him thought his wife had a psychotic delusion, and she wasn’t just that awful of a person to give away her children. What the situation made clear, however, was that he didn’t want to go back home to his wife – ever.

While divorce was his top choice, he acknowledged that he couldn’t raise his children alone. “I’m not sure I want to continue a relationship with someone who considers giving away her kids before even asking for help,” he admitted.

People on the internet felt terrible for the dad, who suddenly had to accept that his wife was an entirely different person than the person he once married. They agreed that his wife needed help, but it didn’t justify her going behind his back to talk to adoption agencies.

“YOUR WIFE HAD BEEN CONTACTING ADOPTION AGENCIES WITHOUT YOU!!!! That is nuts! Totally nuts! Your reaction is completely understandable,” one said.

“Yes, she needs help. But also, yes, he did the RIGHT THING in packing the kids up and taking them to his mother’s. The children come FIRST AND FOREMOST,” another echoed.

In an update, OP revealed that he was looking for a live-in nanny. After speaking to a lawyer and getting a friend who lived close by to be on standby in the car, he left his children with his mother to meet with his wife at their house.

OP’s wife was furious and the first thing she did was to swear at him asking where he had been. She called him out for leaving without giving notice and then avoiding her calls. The woman even accused him of cheating and went into a 15-minute rant.

She didn’t mention the children or ask where they were as if she’d forgotten they existed. He cut her off and told her where he was staying and seeming “caught off guard,” she asked him why. OP explained his reasons including that he didn’t feel the children were safe around her.

She blinked before asking him if he wanted to keep the children and didn’t love her. OP sadly lost his cool and wasn’t proud of it, but they got into a screaming match. He told her she was insane and said he didn’t love her.

The father of two packed all his valuables with her screaming at him the whole time. His friend came in to try and calm the woman down but she threw a plate at him and demanded he leave. The police were called and she was arrested but not before sucker-punching one officer and biting the other.

That interaction made OP feel certain that his wife was having a psychotic break. After his wife was arrested, he cleaned up the house and brought their daughters back home. He lessened his work schedule so he could be there for the children.

OP explained that having grown up with a schizophrenic father is what made him certain he didn’t want their children around their mother alone because he worried about what she’d do. His wife was willingly diagnosed with bipolar disorder and started extensive therapy while working through her legal issues.

The woman’s parents were assisting her with legal arrangements because she refused OP’s help and his insurance for her medical bills. However, she was indirectly getting help from him because he sent her parents money.

The former couple had mutually agreed to divorce but she didn’t want custody of their children or visitation. OP had begged her to visit for the children’s birthdays and holidays, but she refused to budge. He hoped it was just a symptom of her illness and that she’d change her mind as she went through treatment.

An au pair was helping to look after OP’s daughters who were self-sufficient, causing him to suspect his ex-wife ignored them when he wasn’t around. He tried not to cry in front of the children who constantly asked him when their mother was coming back.

However, they were in family therapy with him trying to figure out how to tell them the truth. OP’s friend who was assaulted by his ex-wife, often visited him with his own family to keep them company. His story elicited more reactions from readers. One person said,

“Just out of curiosity, I know the girls are little, but have you asked them how mommy is when your (sic) not there? Not to say she would neglect them, but that’s just an interesting situation to me. What’s life like when dad is gone?”

Adding, “I think you’re doing the right thing removing the girls from the situation. It sounds like she needs some sort of help. I hope it works out for all of you. Good luck dude! You sound like a pretty good Dad.”

“I… don’t know what’s up with people in here. A woman goes behind her husband’s back to call an adoption agency, and everyone is jumping on him? Yes, she needs help. But also, yes, he did the RIGHT THING in packing the kids up and taking them to his mother’s. The children come FIRST AND FOREMOST,” another person stated.

“Any person who says they don’t live (sic) their children and have called adoption agencies, all the while dreaming up a new childless life for her and he spouse.. Is CLEARLY in crisis. Get her some help,” someone else advised.

In a similar story, a man filed for divorce from his wife right after she gave birth. He did this despite DNA tests proving the baby was his.