DEAR ABBY: My very dear friend has discovered that her live-in boyfriend of two years has been hiding $55,000 in credit card debt. This man contributes very little to the household expenses (she owns the home) and barely helps to maintain it. Instead, he spends his money on alcohol and vaping products.
He refuses to share any details about his debt and doesn’t like being asked about it. She has asked him to drink less and stop vaping entirely, but nothing has changed. What advice should I share with her? I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I want to give fair and honest advice. — FRIEND WHO CARES IN MAINE
DEAR FRIEND: If you want to give your friend fair and honest advice, wait to be asked for it. Do not offer it unsolicited because it will be ignored. If, however, she should ask, feel free to let her have it with both barrels. Her boyfriend is a substance-abusing freeloader who is unwilling to change, and she deserves better.
DEAR ABBY: My best friend, “Juliet,” recently lost her months-old baby under tragic circumstances. After several months, she is now pregnant again. Abby, I’m worried. She’s in her 30s and wants to live with her mother for an indefinite period after the baby is born. Juliet is still with her husband.
I don’t think this is healthy. It will not only take away from the couple’s independence, but also reduce Juliet’s confidence in being a new mother. We are so close that we call each other soul mates. Should I say something or let her do what she thinks is right? — STANDING BY IN TENNESSEE
DEAR STANDING BY: As concerned as you are about Juliet, let her do what she thinks is right. Having lost her baby “under tragic circumstances,” she needs all the emotional support she can get. If her husband is fine with that arrangement, resist the urge to interfere.
DEAR ABBY: At Christmas, I worked all day cooking a lovely turkey dinner with all the side dishes and champagne. I told my “mature adult” boyfriend that dinner would be ready at 5 p.m.
At 5 p.m., I put the (hot) food on the table and called my BF to come in. Instead of coming to the table, “Mr. Mannerless” made an (unnecessary) phone call to a woman friend and talked for nearly an hour. While the dinner got cold, I got hot! When he finally got off the phone, he grabbed a plate of food and left to watch TV. He didn’t even eat with me! What should I have done? — SIMMERING IN SOUTH DAKOTA
DEAR SIMMERING: It isn’t a matter of what you should have done last Christmas. The question is what you intend to do about someone as inconsiderate as the unappreciative turkey you have been dating. He may be a mature adult, but his disregard for your feelings is appalling.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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