DOZENS of groups using a variation of the name ‘Are We Dating the Same Guy’ have been popping up on social media in recent years.
Initially a US invention starting on Facebook, private and public versions have been emerging across the world, including in the UK since 2022 – but they could pose major legal issues, experts warn.
They say some of the content has led to a surge in legal claims, with ‘victims’ seeking compensation.
The initial purpose was for women to post photos of men they’re currently dating or talking to, and allow for others in their local area to raise any potential red flags.
Perhaps the man is already seeing someone else, has lied about being married – or worse, has a criminal record for domestic abuse.
While many of the groups still serve an important purpose – a barrier to protect women – the posting of unproven allegations is continuing to cause issues.
The Sun has seen posts showing men’s photos, names and rough location, alongside unverified claims they’ve previously been in trouble with police, have cheated or are generally of bad character – but there is not accountability.
One man – who did not wish to be named – told us his life has been turned upside down with vicious trolls targeting him on X (formally Twitter) after he was posted about on his local Are We Dating page.
Seen by The Sun, his face and name were posted in a private group with over 56,000 members, with the anonymous poster asking if they were any red flags she should be aware of.
They claimed to have been dating him for a few weeks – though he says he’s actually been single for months.
An anonymous responder told them he was “abusive”, while another advised they apply for Clare’s Law.
Clare’s Law, also known as the Domestic Violence Disclosure Scheme, is a policy which affords people the right to know if their current partner or ex has any previous history of violence or abuse.
A string of anonymous comments – possibly all made by one person – then made further damaging allegations, none of which included any proof.
Some included how they’d met him on a dating app, and he’d stopped messaging them, with the implication he must be steered clear of because of it.
The next day the original poster then claimed she’d “done a Clare’s law”, adding: “Turns out he’s very dangerous, abusive, harassing and threatening.”
She added he also said he had a current wife and kids.
He told the Sun: “It’s impossible to get a Clare’s Law done in 24 hours for a start, so I know it’s a lie.”
He said he also does not have a criminal record – which the scheme would flag up rather than simply claims of him being “dangerous” or his marital status.
He does, however, have an ex-wife and kids from a previous relationship.
He said: “It’s causing me massive amounts of anxiety at the moment, I can’t get the post taken down, I’ve been to the police and told them who I think it might be. I think it’s one of two ex-girlfriends over the last few months.
“Because it’s posted anonymously they can’t do anything about it. It’s caused me huge stress, people are out there spreading lies about me.”
Referring to the breakdown of relationships, he said: “There’s a very good chance that both of you have been hurt by each other as well.”
He added: “Those groups are designed to protect women and keep women safe. But at the moment, I fear it’s at the detriment of the safety of men. We have got emotions as well, and feelings, and it does impact us.”
He said he’s had multiple video calls with police who are taking no further action.
“The police officer told me the force is having hundreds of calls about this from men having this sort of information shared about them online, often it’s either misinformation or completely false,” he said.
“It’s just a hate crime, it’s done out of malice.”
The Sun contacted the police force, asking whether it had received a surge in reports but has not had a response.
‘This group is dangerous’
In a comment on one of the groups, which is public and has over 600,000 members, a female user posted: “How do I block this group?
“I didn’t join it but it shows up constantly. The way yall violate the privacy of total strangers is so completely creepy.”
Another woman said: “This group is DANGEROUS. The fact people can post in this group anonymously and hide their identity is the most dangerous.”
The Sun has spoken to a number of digital and legal experts about the popularity of such groups and the possibility of poster’s being at risk of legal action.
Joe Davies, digital expert at fatjoe, said: “The growing popularity of ‘Are We Dating the Same Guy?’ Facebook groups reflects a significant shift in how people use social media for crowd-sourced vetting and accountability in dating.
“These communities are often formed with the intention of protecting women from deceitful or harmful dating experiences by sharing warnings and comparing notes.
“However, while the motivation may be rooted in safety, the execution raises serious legal and ethical concerns.
“Posting identifiable photos and accusations about someone’s behaviour, without evidence or consent, can open the door to defamation claims, particularly if the information shared is false or misleading.
“We’ve seen a notable uptick in men filing police reports, citing reputational damage, harassment, and emotional distress as consequences of being named in these groups.
“From a social media governance perspective, platforms like Facebook face increasing pressure to balance free expression with safeguarding individuals from targeted abuse.
“These groups often operate in grey areas administered by private users with varying moderation standards, which makes consistency and accountability difficult to enforce.
“While these groups may provide a sense of community and vigilance, they can also fuel digital vigilantism and reputational harm.
“Users must be cautious about what they post, and administrators should enforce strict guidelines to prevent potential legal repercussions.
“The line between support and slander is thin, and without proper oversight, these groups risk doing more harm than good.”
These kinds of pages and websites pose significant risks for those who use them, particularly if what they are posting is false and damaging
Rory Lynch
Rory Lynch, of Gateley Legal, agreed: “These kinds of pages and websites pose significant risks for those who use them, particularly if what they are posting is false and damaging.
“Under English defamation law, the claimant (who, in this case, would be the subject of the post in question) could sue the author if they can prove that the post has caused them to suffer ‘serious harm’.
“This may be where the author has made a false allegation that is of a serious criminal nature, which has then been shared and viewed widely (i.e. ‘gone viral’).
“Users of these sites cannot rely on an anonymous profile for protection either, as it is often possible for specialist cyber firms to identify the author. Unless the author is confident that they can prove what they are saying is true, it is safer to avoid using such sites altogether.”
Kishan Pattni, of law firm Freeths, added: “A breach of libel and privacy will depend on what is said exactly and the size of the Facebook audience.
“If a serious allegation in the group, say sexual assault, is factually put to a lot of people but cannot be proven, that could expose the discloser to a libel claim because it will have caused serious harm to her date’s reputation.”
Libel and slander are the written and spoken forms of defamation, a broad legal term referring to false statement’s that harm a person’s reputation.
Privacy damages refer to the financial compensation a person can claim for harm caused by a breach of their privacy, which can include loss of control over their information, distress, and other forms of harm.
Put simply, if such false or non-provable claims are made in a group and are seen by enough people then the poster could be successfully sued.
Mr Pattni said: “In libel especially, the compensation will help to vindicate an injured reputation but for the date who sues and loses, that reputation could be irreparably damaged under the glare of a public court process.”
Mark Hodgson, a seasoned private investigator who heads Tremark, warned those using such groups must “tread carefully”, adding: “Not every post is credible.
“Misinformation can spread like wildfire in online communities. It’s crucial to verify claims and think twice before jumping to conclusions.
“Remember, you have no idea what drives other posters; their motives are often shrouded in mystery.
“Some might be venting their frustrations, while others could be spreading rumours without a shred of evidence.
“This kind of sensationalism can spark unnecessary drama and lead to misunderstandings in your own relationship. While these groups may seem helpful, always take their advice with a grain of salt and keep the lines of communication open with your partner.”
If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this article, please call the Samaritans for free on 116123.
Bailyn Fields, Registered Nurse, Boomer Benefits, also spoke to us about the impact such misinformation can have on someone’s mental health.
She said: “Being wrongly accused or targeted in online groups can obviously seriously affect a man’s mental health.
“It can lead to feelings of shame, anxiety, and helplessness, especially since information like this spreads quickly and publicly.
“Men may find it hard to speak out due to stigma, which can worsen isolation and stress – and if they do speak out about this kind of thing, it’s unlikely that people will believe them.
“This kind of online harassment can also impact sleep, concentration, and overall wellbeing.
“It’s important that men know support is available, whether through counselling, trusted friends, or mental health services that understand the specific pressures caused by online reputational attacks.
“Addressing these issues openly can help reduce stigma and encourage men to seek help sooner.”
The Sun contacted the National Police Chief’s Council, asking for a comment on whether UK forces are receiving reports about such groups.
A spokesperson said: “We don’t have have any national data to show this as an issue and I think each report would require individual assessment as to whether it constitutes a crime.”
We have also contacted Facebook owner Meta for comment.
You’re Not Alone
EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide
It doesn’t discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.
It’s the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes.
And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.
Yet it’s rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.
That is why The Sun launched the You’re Not Alone campaign.
The aim is that by sharing practical advice, raising awareness and breaking down the barriers people face when talking about their mental health, we can all do our bit to help save lives.
Let’s all vow to ask for help when we need it, and listen out for others… You’re Not Alone.
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:
Do you know more? Email [email protected]
