Exploring Diana’s strained relationship with her mother who greatly disappointed the Princess on her wedding day

Today marks the 21st anniversary of the funeral of Princess Diana’s mother, Frances Shand Kydd, who battled Parkinson’s disease and brain cancer for a long time.

She outlived her daughter by seven years and tragically Frances was not on speaking terms with Diana at the time of her sudden death.

The relationship between Diana and Frances was known to be strained, characterized by periods of reconciliation interspersed with long stretches of silence between them.

One particularly difficult period in their relationship began around the time of Diana’s wedding to Prince Charles in July 1981, a time that should have been joyous for both of them.

Writing in his bombshell biography about the late Princess of Wales – titled Diana: Her True Story – Andrew Morton revealed how Diana felt ‘let down terribly’ by Frances on her wedding day.

‘She kept crying and being all valiant and saying that she couldn’t cope with the pressure, I tended to think I was the one under pressure because I was the bride’ Diana told Morton.

Diana goes on to claim that her mother drove her ‘mad’ during her engagement and Frances was left ‘hurt’ when she was not included in preparations for the big day.

She even makes the shocking allegation that the stress of the wedding led her mother to begin taking the anxiety medication valium which she was on ‘ever since’.

Princess Diana’s mother Frances Shand Kydd with Prince Phillip during the wedding of Prince Charles and DIana. Writing in his bombshell autobiography about the late Princess of Wales Andrew Morton revealed how Diana felt ‘let down terribly’ by Frances on her wedding day

Charles and Diana say their vows as Frances watches on. Diana goes on to claim that her mother drove her ‘mad’ during her engagement and was left ‘hurt’ when Frances was not included in preparations for the big day

Charles and Diana in St Paul’s Cathedral. It has been well documented that Diana and Frances had a testy relationship throughout their life with periods of reconciliation followed by long spells where the pair did not speak to one another

After the wedding, Diana said the pair didn’t speak to each other for three to four years.

Despite this, Frances was spotted at Mary’s Hospital following the birth of Prince William in June 1982 with the new grandmother reportedly relieved that Diana would not have to endure the pressure of producing a male heir.

Frances bitter split with Diana’s father in 1969 had a profound on the future Princess. 

After the four children were left in the care of their father after a fierce custody battle when Diana was seven, Charles Spencer – Diana’s younger brother – recalled that ‘Diana used to wait on the doorstep for her, but she never came.’ 

He said : ‘While she was packing her stuff to leave, she promised Diana she’d come back to see her.

‘Our father was a quiet, constant source of love, but our mother wasn’t cut out for maternity… she couldn’t do it. She was in love with someone else, infatuated really.’

Despite her own troubled mother-daughter relationship, by all accounts Frances had a good relationship with her royal grandchildren.

William and Harry reportedly enjoyed their visits to Frances home on the rugged and isolated Seil Island off the coast of Scotland which provided a welcome break from royal life for the young Princes.

Diana with the Queen outside St Paul’s Cathedral. After the wedding, Diana said she  didn’t speak to her mother for three to four years

Frances outside St Mary’s Hospital following the birth of Prince William in June 1982. The new grandmother was reportedly relieved that Diana would not have to endure the pressure of producing a male heir

Diana with a young Prince William and Prince Harry with Frances on holiday on Necker Island. Despite her own troubled mother-daughter relationship, by all accounts Frances had a good relationship with her royal grandchildren

However, Diana’s status as one of the most famous women in the world drew a further wedge between the mother and daughter.

After divorcing John Spencer, Frances married wallpaper tycoon Peter Shand Kydd.

By the late 1980s Frances’ second marriage had began to deteriorate and she in part blamed Diana for the break up. 

Peter allegedly felt overshadowed by his more famous wife after Diana’s skyrocketed the popularity of the Spencers. 

In thier obituary for Frances, The Guardian wrote about why Peter divorced her in 1990. 

‘I think the pressure of it all was overwhelming and, finally, impossible for Peter. They didn’t want him. They wanted me. I became Diana’s mum, and not his wife,’ Frances is quoted as saying.

After Diana separated from Charles in 1992, Frances is reported to have not approved of her later relationships. 

Diana’s former butler – Paul Burrell – claimed that she voiced disapproval of Diana’s relationships with heart surgeon Hasnat Khan and businessman Gulu Lalvani during a particularly tetchy phone call.

Frances and Diana at the Wimbledon Men’s Tennis Final in 1993. Diana’s status as one of the most famous women in the world further drew a wedge between the mother and daughter

Frances at Diana’s funeral in September 1997. She outlived her daughter by seven years and tragically Frances was not on speaking terms with Diana at the time of her sudden death

‘It was the slurring voice of Mrs Frances Shand Kydd. What I heard was a torrent of abuse, swearing and upsetting innuendo towards the Princess and towards the male company she was keeping,’ Paul said.

He added that the call left Diana crumpled on the sitting room carpet, sobbing into her white bathrobe.

Frances tendency to be loose looped with members of the press left a damning final legacy in her relationship with Diana.  

This came after Frances said in an interview months before her daughter’s death that it was ‘absolutely wonderful’ she had been stripped of her HRH title after her divorce from the then Prince Charles, Diana never spoke to her again.

Much of Frances’ poor relationship with Diana and her other children, stems from her troubled marriage to John Spencer.

At just 18 years old, Frances married 30-year-old Edward John Spencer at Westminster Abbey and was one of the youngest brides to wed at the venue, Tina Brown wrote in her 2022 book, The Palace Papers.  

It marked the beginning of a somewhat difficult chapter in Frances’s adult life.

Her husband, though polite and friendly on the surface, she soon discovered to be an abusive bully who drank, Ms Brown claimed.

Diana and Frances at Charles Althorp’s wedding in 1989. Frances tendency to be loose looped with members of the press left a damning final legacy in her relationship with Diana

Frances and Diana at the Wimbledon Men’s Tennis Final in 1993. Frances said in an interview months before her daughter’s death that it was ‘absolutely wonderful’ she had been stripped of her HRH title after her divorce from the then Prince Charles, Diana never spoke to her again

As the future heir to Althorp, ‘Johnnie’ needed a baby boy to continue the Spencer name and inherit the family fortune, though this proved to be a challenge to fulfil.

Frances gave birth to her first child – Lady Sarah McCorquodale – in 1955 and went on to have another daughter, Lady Jane Fellowes, in 1957.

‘In order to produce a male heir, he made Frances go through six pregnancies in nine years, of which only four were carried to term, and he resented her having any independent life,’ Ms Brown wrote. 

Before Diana was born, Frances did give birth to a baby boy who sadly passed away several hours after birth. 

It was heart breaking for the couple and Ms Brown told how John refused to allow Frances to see the infant, also named John. She would only discover years later he was born with ‘extensive malformation’.

‘She struggled from the bed and banged frantically on the locked doors of the nursery to which he had been snatched away,’ the former editor in chief of Tatler wrote.

Frances recalled: ‘My baby was snatched away from me and I never saw his face. Not in life. Not in death. No one ever mentioned what had happened.’ 

Some 18 months later, Diana was born and weighed a healthy 7lb 12oz. Despite this, there was a great sense of disappointment in the Spencer family that ‘the new arrival was not the longed-for male heir,’ Andrew Morton wrote in his 1992 book, Diana: Her True Story – In Her Own Words.

Much of Frances’ poor relationship with Diana and her other children, stems from her troubled marriage to John Spencer

They hadn’t even thought of a girl’s name for the new arrival and it took the couple a week to settle on Diana.

Eventually, Frances did give the Spencer family their much desired male heir and on May 20, 1964, Charles – now the ninth Earl Spencer – was born. 

Despite having the family they wanted, the couple’s marriage broke down just five years later. 

When her second marriage ended in 1988 and she turned to religion, converting to Catholicism at the age of 58 and devoted the rest of her life to the Church.