Long before her marriage to Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker counted Robert Downey Jr. as her great love — but, unsurprisingly, their relationship was not an easy one. Two child stars moving in together at 18 after a few weeks of dating — what could possibly go wrong? Let’s find out …
How it Began
Back in 1984, when Parker and Downey Jr. were just 18 years old and had birthdays only 10 days apart, they crossed paths on the set of the teen movie Firstborn. Having both been in show business from a young age and being familiar faces in the Brat Pack scene of that time, they quickly grew closer. After a few weeks of dating, they decided to take a major step by moving in together in Los Angeles.
How Long it Lasted
During their seven-year relationship, Parker stood by Downey Jr. as he battled publicly with substance abuse problems. Their time together involved not only memorable 1980s fashion, successful film projects, and lavish social events but also a great deal of emotional turmoil. Parker, known for her clean-living image on Sex and the City, admitted in a 2023 interview with the New Yorker that the relationship often made her feel like a caregiver at the young age of 22.
How it Ended
However, the couple eventually parted ways in 1991, as Parker reached the realization that she couldn’t rescue her charming yet deeply troubled partner. Following the breakup, Parker returned to New York, where she then dated the late John F. Kennedy Jr. before eventually settling down with Broderick in 1997. Around the same time, Downey Jr., who had struggled with drug addiction since childhood, faced a turning point. He hit rock bottom and served a year in prison after repeatedly failing drug tests mandated by the court. However, he has been clean since 2003 and has been happily married to Susan Downey since 2005.
What They Said About Each Other
Both parties are probably grateful that their relationship pre-dated social media and the explosion of the internet in general, since we can only imagine the amount of discussion it would generate now, but when they were together, they regularly stepped out at red carpet events. Many years on from their split — and with Downey Jr. now maintaining a life of sobriety and enjoying major critical and commercial success in movies like Iron Man and Oppenheimer — she has spoken about their relationship in a number of interviews, and it’s clear it was a hugely challenging time for them both.
What They Say Now
As recently as 2023, Parker opened up to the New Yorker about the couple’s era-defining but doomed relationship. “People around him would be dismissive of me, but I had given him stability and tried to create a steady heartbeat that allowed him to show up on time,” she said. “That made me angry and embarrassed me.”
In 2020, she told People that she thought the relationship had actually influenced her own parenting (she and Broderick share twin daughters Tabitha and Loretta and son James). “Maybe it taught me a little bit about being a parent too, because the things that I ended up caring about, and the way I cared for Downey, were things that might be more suitable for a parent at a certain point,” she said.
Further back, in a podcast interview in 2016, Parker revealed that she had been constantly scared that Downey Jr. would die if she left him. Speaking on “WTF with Marc Maron,” she said: “You love this person, and you’re afraid they’re going to die if you aren’t there to shore up their base every single solitary day. … I just didn’t want him to die. The biggest, hardest choices about those kinds of relationships are feeling brave enough to leave, even if you think they’re going to die.”
Meanwhile, Downey Jr. told Parade magazine in 2008 that he had happy memories of their time together, despite everything they went through. “I liked to drink, and I had a drug problem, and that didn’t jibe with Sarah Jessica, because it is the furthest thing from what she is,” he said. “She provided me a home and understanding. She tried to help me. She was so miffed when I didn’t get my act together. Private stuff aside, we were able to spend some time together and it was really cool. I was in love with Sarah Jessica, and love clearly was not enough.”
Key Relationship Takeaways
The former couple actually met up in 2015 to get closure on their tumultuous relationship — and, by all accounts, it went well.
Speaking during an appearance on The Howard Stern Show in 2016, Downey Jr said: “You know, the funny thing too is you always have a perception of somebody that you spent a big chunk of your life with and I think it’s typical… that the further you get away from that in your new relationship, you sub-intentionally taint your perception of the person. Seeing her I was like, ‘She’s so great and so cool and so funny and so in command’. I got to meet her kids and I saw the way she and Matthew live and I respect both of them so much.”
Parker, too, also spoke to Stern about their reunion in 2016. “It was really nice. It was surprisingly not weird. Fundamentally, we’re sort of the same,” she said. “The difference is he has a family and a wife and obviously his career is a massive thing. But I think his true nature was completely familiar. I always felt very affectionate toward him, I thought it ended well in a way. I never didn’t care about his well-being and I never felt resentment or bitterness.”
Yup, despite everything they went through together, these two are now about as mature and measured as it gets, with incredible careers to be proud of too. What a journey.
