KENNEDY: I've got my hands on an early version of Jill Biden's memoir! Here's what they're finally admitting... and her ultimate nemesis will be quaking

The Biden Crime family has sunk to its last big grift.

After their time in office, it seems that Doddering Joe and Jill are left with little else but to turn to selling their stories to the highest bidder.

Rumors suggest that they could make a $30 million deal for a ‘his and hers’ tell-all book set, which is significantly less than what the Obamas received.

However, Biden’s upcoming book may lack substance based on his recent appearance on The View. During the show, the hosts struggled to understand his mumbling, and it was evident that he had difficulty engaging with the soft-ball questions thrown his way.

Loser Joe told a simpering Joy Behar that he could have ‘beat’ Donald Trump in the 2024 race, then described his successor as ‘vacant.’ It was almost as if the last four years never happened – and, perhaps, by Joe’s memory, they haven’t.

Indeed, that was the ‘mic drop moment’ for old butter fingers who’s better at holding ice cream cones than audiences.

On the other hand, there will be no shortage of print-venom for Lady MacBiden to hiss at the likes of Nancy Pelosi, George Clooney, Big Bad Barack, and of course her ultimate nemesis: Kamala.

Jill reportedly kept a daily diary during her White House years and the notoriously vengeful First Lady likely has some serious grudges that she’d likely be delighted to revisit.

The Biden Crime family has sunk to its last big grift. With their post-presidency crashing into the rocks of history there's nothing left for Doddering Joe and co-captain Jill, but to sell their sob stories to the highest bidder.

The Biden Crime family has sunk to its last big grift. With their post-presidency crashing into the rocks of history there’s nothing left for Doddering Joe and co-captain Jill, but to sell their sob stories to the highest bidder.

Loser Joe told a simpering Joy Behar that he could have 'beat' Donald Trump in the 2024 race, then described his successor as 'vacant.' It was almost as if the last four years never happened ¿ and, perhaps, by Joe's memory, they haven't.

Loser Joe told a simpering Joy Behar that he could have ‘beat’ Donald Trump in the 2024 race, then described his successor as ‘vacant.’ It was almost as if the last four years never happened – and, perhaps, by Joe’s memory, they haven’t.

There will be no shortage of print-venom for Lady MacBiden to hiss at the likes of Nancy Pelosi, George Clooney, Big Bad Barack, and of course her ultimate nemesis: Kamala.

There will be no shortage of print-venom for Lady MacBiden to hiss at the likes of Nancy Pelosi, George Clooney, Big Bad Barack, and of course her ultimate nemesis: Kamala.

In fact, I managed to get my paws on an advance (fictional) copy of Jill’s memoir – and you’ll never believe what’s in it:

Working Title: ‘Weekend at Joey’s: Just Sniffing Around’

Chapter 5: Biden my time

Between dodging Hunter’s loan requests (he said he needed new paint brushes) and texting mainstream media chumps about how spry and coherent my husband was, I had started to grow very wary of Kamala.

First, I caught her sprinkling something into Joe’s orange Gatorade. But she already knew that only I administer his pep juice.

Then when Joe and I were in Asia for our last summit, she showed up to the hotel room with crampons and climbing ropes, claiming she wanted to take the president on a ‘little jaunt’ up to Everest base camp. He couldn’t even walk across the White House lawn without a sherpa.

The only thing worse than Kamala’s scheming was Doug Emhoff’s repeated suggestions that he and I go out for drinks.

Chapter 14: Camp-tastrophe

The day before Joey faced off against Dream Boat Donald in the first presidential debate, I was convinced it was going to be a disaster.

The extended Biden family (minus Hunter’s daughter Navy, of course) were hunkered down for debate prep at Camp David. But all the president wanted to do was soak in an Epsom bath, sniff his own hair and mutter, ‘who’s the pretty girl?’

Once, he showed up for his remedial civics class wearing his CPAC mask.

In Joe’s defense, prep sessions are held at 6pm, which is essentially the middle of the night for him.

I reached out to our former flack Jen Psaki for some pre-emptive crisis PR, but she told me: ‘Let me circle back, Dr. Jill. Ok? Buh bye.’ Well, the joke is on ole’ Carrot Top. She got more airtime as White House shill then a host at MSNBC.

Chapter 15: The emperor has no… brains

Seeing Joe shuffle onto that Atlanta stage was like watching a lemming headed for the cliffs. And sexy Trump was waiting there like a Cheshire cat ready to consume the poor little guy.

Then… I blacked out. I have no memory of the debate – thank God!

That’s why I told Joe had done a good job. I, literally, had no idea what happened. ‘You answered every question, you knew all the facts,’ I said to him before a cheering crowd of trans activists and Ukrainian businessmen.

Only later did I realize just how badly it had all gone. After Judas Napoleon (aka George Stephanopoulos) let slip that he didn’t think Joe could ‘serve four more years,’ I felt the trappings of the White House slipping from my grasp.

In a moment of weakness, I considered packing Joe a PB&J, putting him on an Amtrak to Florida and letting him wander off into the Everglades.

Between dodging Hunter's loan requests (he said he needed new paint brushes) and texting mainstream media chumps about how spry and coherent my husband was, I had started to grow very wary of Kamala.

Between dodging Hunter’s loan requests (he said he needed new paint brushes) and texting mainstream media chumps about how spry and coherent my husband was, I had started to grow very wary of Kamala.

Chapter 16: Vultures circle

The day after the Stephanopoulos stab, I knew it was all over.

Nancy Pelosi wouldn’t answer my phone calls and the checks from China stopped arriving in the mailbox in Delaware.

‘Oh, Joey,’ I thought. ‘If we can’t sell access to the highest reaches of the US government, how are we going to survive?’ After all, Northern Virginia Community College doesn’t pay very well.

Then George Clooney’s New York Times op-ed dropped – and we all knew that Barack was behind-the-scenes pulling the strings.

It was good while it lasted, I told the grandkids, but now they all had to get real jobs.

Chapter 20: Election night

You would think election night was the worst of our lives, but when you have nothing to lose… you play drinking games.

Every time Kamala lost a battleground state, Anita Dunn would yell ‘DRINK!’ and after 6 Jäger shots we all passed out somewhere between the poll closings in Michigan and Wisconsin.

For the next week, we holed up with Hunter and his soul brother/sugar daddy Kevin Morris and prank called Emhoff every hour pretending to be from a nanny-staffing service. Doughy Doug took the bait every time.

I never thought I would admit this in public, but when a publisher is paying you millions you show them ALL your warts.

Hell, I’ve even made a few things up! But this nugget is the God’s honest truth. I voted for Trump. Twice. And I’d do it again!

You May Also Like
How Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez' wedding celebrations have run into stormy waters - from a huge freak thunderstorm to eyesore scaffolding and protests (as well as guests' drama!)

Challenges Encountered at Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez’s Wedding Festivities: Unforeseen Storm, Unsightly Scaffolding, and Unwanted Attention

Tech giant Jeff Bezos, who is a billionaire, is going to marry…
Supreme Court meets Friday to decide 6 remaining cases, including birthright citizenship

“Supreme Court to Convene on Friday to Rule on 6 Pending Cases, Including Birthright Citizenship”

The Supreme Court is set to convene on Friday to make decisions…
Chicago shooting: Laquan McDonald's cousin wounded in Douglass Park shooting, allegedly by life guard, police report says

“Relative of Laquan McDonald Injured in Shooting at Douglass Park, Allegedly by Lifeguard According to Police Report”

CHICAGO (WLS) — Family members said a cousin of Laquan McDonald was…
Chaos as American Airlines is hit by outage leaving thousands stranded on runways

American Airlines experiences chaos as outage leads to thousands stranded on runways

American Airlines has been hit by a widespread outage that is impacting all flights.…
‘The Bear’s Season 4 Standout “Worms” Wastes No Time Wriggling Its Way Into Your Heart

“The Bear’s Fourth Season Highlight Episode ‘Worms’ Quickly Captures Your Heart”

The Bear is making a return after a year of waiting, with…
Milwaukee, Wisconsin shooting: 2 police officers shot, critically injured; suspect at large

Incident in Milwaukee, Wisconsin: Two police officers injured in shooting, suspect not yet caught

Two police officers in Milwaukee were shot and are in critical condition…
New Shows & Movies To Watch This Weekend: ‘Squid Game’ Season 3 on Netflix + More

Recommended TV Shows and Movies for This Weekend: ‘Squid Game’ Season 3 on Netflix and More

This week has been a big one for new shows on streaming.…
New WHO report fails to rule out COVID-19 lab leak origin as China continues to impede investigation

Recent WHO report does not dismiss possibility of COVID-19 originating from a lab leak, while China hinders investigation progress

NEWYou can now listen to Fox News articles! A panel from the…
From Netflix star to homeless in the Hamptons: Heartbreaking final days of realtor killed in brutal hit and run

Tragic Story of Realtor’s Downfall: From Netflix Star to Homeless Victim of Fatal Hit-and-Run in the Hamptons

A Netflix star was tragically involved in a hit-and-run incident in the…
Tommy Hilfiger takes a TUMBLE at Bezos wedding as lip reader reveals smirking Tom Brady's reaction

Tommy Hilfiger falls at Bezos wedding, lip reader discloses Tom Brady’s amused response

Tommy Hilfiger nearly took a tumble during Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez’s…
‘Murderbot’ Episode 8 Recap: Digital Love

Recap of Episode 8 of ‘Murderbot’: A Tale of Love in the Digital World

I need to apologize to Murderbot. I was not familiar with its…
Watch: CNN Wheels Out Adam Kinzinger to Trash Trump's Iran Strike and Hoo-Boy Was It Hilarious

Video: CNN invites Adam Kinzinger to criticize Trump’s Iran attack, and the reaction is amusing

On today’s special edition of “This… Is CNN… the Most Trusted Name…