A 33-year-old woman has revealed her dilemma over when is the best time to start a family, revealing that she wants two children but doesn’t feel ready yet.
Posting anonymously on Mumsnet, the British woman explained that she and her husband haven’t been able to go on honeymoon abroad because of the pandemic, they aren’t living in a house where they would want to raise their children and still have career goals they want to meet.
Responses to the post were torn as some advised the woman not to delay having a baby because ageing impacts fertility, while others argued she will regret getting pregnant if she’s isn’t entirely ready.
A 33-year-old woman who has a list of things she would like to achieve, has sparked a debate about when is the right time to try for a baby (file image)
Asking for advice, the woman explained that she and her husband are both 33 and would be 34 when their child was born if she were to fall pregnant tomorrow.
‘We’ve both agreed we want kids, probably two, but don’t actually want to get pregnant right now,’ she said.
‘However we are aware we’re not getting any younger and are wondering whether we should move our plans forward? We are financially stable and should be able to afford it.
‘On the plus side for moving things forward – we don’t know how long it will take us to get pregnant, so it could be a couple of years away anyway. We’ve heard it gets harder to conceive as you get older (although anecdotally we know a number of older parents and it’s younger couples we know who are struggling).
‘We’re worried about our own parents being old and not being able to enjoy the grandkids properly; and COVID is scuppering all of our other plans so we might as well take what control we can.
‘Also, most of our friends are having kids at the moment so it would put us on the same level as them (we’ve felt “behind” for a couple of years as everyone got married around the time we met).’
But she went on to list reasons why now isn’t a good time for them to have a child, saying: ”On the side for waiting longer: we met later than we would have liked so have only had three years together and one of those has essentially been in lockdown.
‘We want to have a wedding – we got married last year but only with parents and siblings present due to covid and no proper reception.
‘We’re both very sociable people with large friendship groups we would love to celebrate with! Of course we could throw a party after we’ve had a baby, but it seems a bit random to do it so long after the wedding and maybe our priorities will change after a child and we won’t want to spend the money? But I think I’d always feel sad to have missed out on that.
Posting on Mumsnet, the woman explained she would like to go on honeymoon and progress in her career before getting pregnant
‘Same with a honeymoon – we’d love to go on a big holiday together pre-children but due to covid won’t be able to go until later this year. We’re also not living where we want to when we have kids. Our aim is to move this year but it might take time and we don’t want to be still stuck here when the baby arrives.
‘Finally, we haven’t got as far in our careers as we would have liked to when having kids. This means less money and less power/freedom at work to set our own hours etc. We would rather have another couple of years of seniority under the belt. Plus, we just don’t fancy having them yet!’
She asked if it would be a bad idea to wait another 18 months to get their wedding, honeymoon, house move and career progression under their belts.
‘Or is that too risky, especially with COVID making weddings and travel difficult anyway?’ she concluded.
A flood of responses urged the woman not to delay trying to have a baby and shared the challenges they experienced during their thirties.
One person wrote: ‘I wouldn’t wait if I were you, especially if you want two children. Like you say you don’t know how long it could take to get pregnant and the risk of complications for both you and the baby increase after the age of 35.
‘I would just get rid of contraception and see what happens for a few months. If you have your lovely baby, you honestly won’t care about a holiday or party, and you can still do all of those things if you want to anyway’
A stream of responses urged the woman to start trying for a baby because it might take awhile to get pregnant
Another said: ‘If you’re absolutely certain you want kids at some point then no, I wouldn’t wait any longer to start trying. I conceived my first child age 31, no issues at all – started trying to conceive second child 18 months later and I was infertile. You’ve got 30 years yet to work and go on holidays’
However, others warned the woman she would regret having a child if she isn’t ready.
One person said: ‘You don’t want to get pregnant now… but are worried for the future and regret, so you think you should get pregnant now? Don’t do it yet then until you are sure.’
‘I have a family member who kept saying “We kind of have to have them by now… I support we should have them before it’s too late”, despite not really feeling 100 per cent about it. She sadly regrets them now… it can go either way’
‘Don’t have a baby until you are 100 per cent sure you want it right there and then. They’re such hard work and while it is absolutely worth it, you might not feel that way if you had a list of other things you wanted to accomplish but couldn’t,’ another said.
Others argued the woman shouldn’t try for a baby until she’s completely certain she wants to get pregnant