New Treatment for Depression: A Psychologist’s Journey from Feeling like a Fake to Finding Hope in a Game-Changing Solution

All Dr Aileen Alegado ever wanted to do was help people.

An academic high-achiever from an early age, she excelled at school and went on to study neuropsychology at university.

But when she achieved her dream of qualifying as a clinical psychologist, she found herself struggling.

Aileen, originally from New Zealand and currently residing in Sydney, has been struggling with imposter syndrome ever since she began her university journey. Being a perfectionist, constantly seeking validation from others, and grappling with a deep-seated fear of failure have been constant companions in her life, as shared with Daily Mail Australia.

‘Oddly, I also feared success because when huge opportunities come my way I feel anxious about “not being good enough”.’ 

Aileen often felt overwhelmed with her workload and felt the ‘Sunday scaries’ ahead of every Monday morning. 

‘I had panic attacks and didn’t rest enough,’ she says.

‘I ate unhealthy, didn’t work out a lot, I overcompensated for the sacrifices I had made and would reward myself.’

Last year, Dr Aileen Alegado (pictured) went to a five-day ‘magic mushroom’ retreat in Portugal to transform her mind 

This caused Aileen to suffer crippling anxiety, depression, stress, ongoing cycles of burnout, and weight gain.

As she treated patients in her clinic, she knew she needed professional help herself. 

‘I felt like fraud speaking to a therapist while being a therapist myself,’ she says. 

Despite seeking help from a professional who recommended antidepressants, Aileen found little relief. While observing positive progress in her own patients undergoing therapy and medication, she couldn’t shake off her own persistent sense of unease and self-doubt.

Regrettably, Aileen’s health began to deteriorate further, with alarming spikes in her cholesterol levels during her 30s. This concerning development triggered anxiety due to her family’s medical history of diabetes, compounding her existing struggles.

Then, when she was 32, the unthinkable happened: her boyfriend of 18 months, who was 35, was diagnosed with bowel cancer. He died just 18 days after his diagnosis.

Following this tragedy, Aileen’s mental health took a dive. She was only getting three hours’ sleep a night and she was later diagnosed with sleep apnea in her 40s.

Due to making poor food choices when she was exhausted, she gained more weight. 

She has struggled with anxiety, depression, stress, burnout, weight gain and sleep apnea

‘My doctor said, “No wonder you’re putting on weight, you’re always in fight-or-flight mode”,’ she recalls.

After having no success with a sleep apnea machine, which she found irritating and uncomfortable, Aileen became desperate. 

She says it felt like ‘death by a thousand cuts’ listening to other people’s trauma as a psychologist while also struggling herself. 

Aileen found herself single and childless, often wondering about the life she could have had if she hadn’t put so much pressure on her career ambitions.

Two years ago, at the age of 43, she decided to seek alternative help. During her research, she came across studies about how psilocybin (magic mushrooms) could be used to treat depression.

‘I had heard of psychedelics before but never tried it and was fascinated by how it impacts the brain and the science of it,’ she says.

Magic mushrooms were legalised in Australia in July 2023, and can be prescribed by doctors for specific health conditions, such as depression.

Despite being legalised, the Therapeutic Goods Administration (TGA) rules were ‘very strict and specific’.

‘I wouldn’t have met the criteria for diagnosis as it’s only for treatment-resistant depression, which I didn’t have,’ Aileen, now 44, says. 

‘It was only for hospital or clinical settings and it cost $20,000. I did it overseas for half that price. For me, I wanted to do it in a retreat setting.’

After initially considering Mexico, where the drug is also legal, she eventually decided on a five-day retreat in Portugal.

‘I had been to Europe before and had friends in London so Portugal felt like the better, safer choice,’ she says.

Aileen also managed to convince one of her friends, who was also struggling with mental health, to come along with her.

Aileen was fraught with nerves the whole flight, but says she felt ‘safe’ when she arrived to find the retreat nestled in a mountain valley and met a small group of eight participants, all hoping for a healing experience.

Nestled away in a lush mountain valley, a small group of eight people from around the world met in a jungle-like forest all searching for the same thing: peace and clarity

Aileen is pictured at the retreat  

The sun was shining during the retreat and guests walked from the main building to a dome-shaped tent (right)

After settling into the retreat, the group was taken to a tent for their first treatment. 

Given a blanket and an eye mask, Aileen was instructed to sit on a yoga mat and drink a cup of tea infused with psilocybin, then lie down.

Ninety minutes passed and Aileen didn’t feel any change. Sitting up, she took off her eye mask and the group leader came over to speak to her.

‘I think my brain is broken,’ she thought.

She was then given a small piece of a chocolate containing an additional dose. 

Soon she began to hallucinate. At first, she felt like she was flying or the room was moving around her. Then the memories came.

First she was taken back to when her family moved from the Philippines to New Zealand.

She was reminded of the sadness she felt seeing her parents struggle to raise a family in a new country. 

‘It was an adjustment period. I had empathy for my parents for the sacrifices they made to give us the best opportunities,’ she says.

Her university years and fear of failure also resurfaced. 

‘I was so hard on myself. I was in my final year and at the eleventh hour I was going to quit and give it all up. I had studied for nine years and was ready to throw in the towel because I didn’t feel I could do it,’ she says. 

Her imposter syndrome was so intense that for the first ten years of her career, she believed someone would ‘take away’ her qualification and title. 

Perhaps the most confronting memory of all was of her boyfriend dying of cancer.

The grief she’d tried to repress so she could continue with her job rose the surface.

‘By the end of the retreat, I felt a sense of peace that I hadn’t felt in years. It wasn’t some magical, permanent high, just a quiet, undeniable knowing that I am loved, and I am enough. And honestly? That’s the real trip,’ she says.

‘It’s like parts of my brain were switched on that weren’t there before,’ she adds.

Rather than being confronted with strange visions, she instead experienced moments from her past when she felt disappointed, sad or overwhelmed

The last two days of the retreat involved ‘aftercare’ and unpacking the emotions that had come up during her ‘trip’. 

Aileen left feeling ‘calm and at peace’ with her inner thoughts. 

Now she has more patience, thinks before she makes decisions and maintains a healthier work-life balance.

And the retreat was so transformative she decided to reconstruct her practice. 

Two years ago, she trained to deliver psychedelic-assisted therapies and will be running her first psilocybin Envision Wellness Retreat in Portugal this year from May 15-20.

‘Since its legalisation in Australia, there has been increased interest in psychedelic treatments despite the fact that not many people can actually access it,’ she says. 

‘The science is there. My hope is that people have the opportunity to explore these treatments outside of the hospital setting for their wellbeing and mental health and remove the stigma attached to it.’