Not so long ago, I found myself at a party filled with ageing Sydney personalities.
Referring to ageing in your forties and fifties here, not ancient – I myself entered my forties in August – but certainly experienced enough to have established their positions as influential figures in the party scene of Bondi during the 2010s.
Observing the crowd, it was evident that the women’s faces appeared taut and glossy (the noticeable effect of Botox – mine included!) while the men seemed to have aged significantly almost overnight.
Rather than a transformation akin to a ‘George Clooney glow-up,’ it was more akin to ‘Charlie Sheen at the end of a wild night.’ This served as a striking reminder of how years of revelry and substance misuse can impact even the most stylish individuals.
Nevertheless, it was a glorious afternoon of wine and untouched finger food (thank you, Ozempic). It was a jolly good catch-up – until the biggest party animal in the room uttered a single, very familiar word: ‘Bags?’
(A quick explainer for you Brits and Americans: we Aussies call coke ‘bags’ because even a one-syllable word needs a nickname here…)
Don’t get me wrong, I’m no angel, but my first thought was, ‘This is a classy lunch. Haven’t we outgrown this?’ Apparently not. Within the hour, a dodgy-looking bloke arrived with a ‘delivery’. Soon after, half the party was chewing off their faces.
This might have been cute in their twenties or early thirties, but most of us had jobs to get to the next day. Some had children at home. Anyone over 40 knows that wine hangovers are bad enough, let alone the depressing agony of a cocaine comedown.
The 2010s were a wild time. Mail+ columnist Jana Hocking (left) was neck-deep in the Sydney party scene back then, when Instagram was new and cocktails didn’t cost $25
By her own admission, Jana was no angel. But she says it’s time for the ‘Peter Pans of Sydney’ – the men who are still partying well into their forties – to give up the bad habits. There is no suggestion the other woman in this photograph took illegal drugs
It slowly dawned on me: these people we once admired as Sydney’s party animals were now… addicts. And they weren’t ageing well.
One former crush of mine looked particularly rough.
Years of all-night benders had aged him beyond recognition. As he rambled about his latest business venture, I felt a pang of sadness. This once vibrant, charismatic man was now a shell of his former self. (He’s probably reading this. Sorry, mate…)
As he yapped incessantly, my crush evaporated fast. My 23-year-old self inwardly sobbed, realising she was now dodging a man she’d once fantasised about.
Reflecting on other recent outings, I couldn’t help but recall, let’s put this delicately, ‘issues’ I had encountered.
For example, the guy I was dating who surprised me with an apology mid-hookup. ‘I’m sorry, dear, it would appear I’ve got coke d***.’ Brilliant! I had expected a night of naked gymnastics; instead I got a limp pecker and some senseless ranting.
So tell me, Peter Pans of Sydney… why? Why trade a night of fun fuelled by champagne, great company and a bit of slap and tickle back at your place for a night of gum-chewing, meaningless chat and paranoia?
Sorry, guys. It’s a bad deal – especially for us women.
Jana says some men she’s known for decades are still partying like they’re in their twenties – and it’s leading to embarrassing failures in the bedroom, not to mention heart problems
Another male friend in his early fifties confessed his doctor had warned him that years of ‘shall we get a bag?’ had led to a terrifying heart attack scare. With a frightened look in his eyes, he admitted to me, ‘I think I might be a little addicted’. Oh, you think?
Then there was the mate who, during a midweek dinner, spent the entire evening blowing his nose and lamenting a comedown from three nights prior. This grown man – with a blessed life – was a shell of himself, paying dearly for his weekend sins. It’s a regular occurrence.
Most of us from that party scene grew up, found bigger priorities, and resigned ourselves to the occasional hangover.
But these men never slowed down – and they’ve paid a heavy price. They’ve lost high-paying jobs (hello, entertainment industry layoffs), aged prematurely, and seen their marriages crumble. Their wives, tired of fiery comedown tempers and stumbling home at 6am, decided enough was enough.
Now, these once-envied party animals are dealing with a host of health issues from years of cocaine abuse. When they whinge to me about their health, I can’t help but think, ‘You’re 52 and still partying like you’re 22. What the hell did you expect?’
And don’t even get me started on the hypocrisy of those who refused vaccines during Covid because ‘I won’t put that in my body.’ I had literally seen them snort coke off a toilet seat in a dingy pub. But sure, tell me all about bodily autonomy.
As the party wound down, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I’d just witnessed a slow-motion train wreck. These Peter Pans were trapped in a cycle of self-destruction, chasing a fleeting high that could cost them everything.
Cringe.
I felt sorry for my younger self, who once idolised these powerful, charismatic (formerly) handsome men. I felt even sorrier for them. What a waste of life.
So here’s the ugly truth your friendly neighbourhood coke dealer won’t tell you:
1. You are going to look old AF: Cocaine accelerates ageing, especially in the brain. Studies show users exhibit changes consistent with far older individuals.
2. Your brain is going to rot: Memory, attention and decision-making take a hit, worsening with age and prolonged use. We’ve all got that one friend who is noticeably ‘slower’ than they once were.
3. You’ll be a walking heart attack: Cocaine increases heart attack and stroke risks, particularly in older users.
4. You’ll have a soft, useless c***: Vasoconstriction from cocaine reduces blood flow, leading to the dreaded ‘coke d***’. I’ve seen it plenty of times. And, yes, we all talk about it.
5. Goodbye, libido: Even if you can muster an erection, cocaine decreases sexual desire and satisfaction. I mean, isn’t that reason enough?
6. Good luck having a baby: Both men and women face fertility issues linked to cocaine use.
7. You’ll end up broke: Drug habits drain financial resources faster than you can say, ‘Bag?’ Wouldn’t your rather a real handbag? Or fancy outfit? Lasts longer.
8. So long, employment: Substance use wreaks havoc on careers and finances.
9. It’s just a matter of time before you’re caught: Forget the excuse ‘everybody does it.’ When you’re caught with coke, you’re screwed. The legal ramifications of possession, dealing or trafficking are serious – and very embarrassing if you have a public profile.
While the short-term high might seem fun, the long-term consequences of being a 40- or 50-something cokehead are anything but.
Is it worth it? Spoiler alert: no.
