Ed Miliband’s fingers! Net Zero secretary Ed was at a select committee, fighting sinuously to squash Rachel Reeves’s let’s-expand-Heathrow noises.
Mr Miliband, always a jumble of weird grimaces, affected nonchalance as he pooh-poohed Ms Reeves’s ecological heresy.
We were going to meet him as Monsieur Sangfroid, the experienced participant in arm wrestling competitions at Whitehall. He remarked confidently about Young Reeves, mentioning that he had taught her all she knew and therefore shouldn’t have much difficulty competing against her.
The words themselves may not have been uttered but that was the tone.
Leaning on the desk with one elbow, he raised his forearm high and rotated his wrist so that his fingers were pointed towards the individuals from the environmental audit committee whom he referred to as Leftist lunks. He maintained this position for quite a long time.
It was the pose of sari-clad Indian dancers, fingers held apart like an old-fashioned toasting fork.
You could have popped marshmallows on each of those long, bony digits and brought them to blistering perfection over a campfire.
Then he started wagging them. Aieeeee, strike up the sitar, let the dance begin. Would Heathrow’s expansion be approved?
Energy Secretary Ed Miliband answering questions at Environmental Audit Committee on the Government’s approach to net zero
Mr Miliband, always a jumble of weird grimaces, affected nonchalance as he pooh-poohed Ms Reeves’s ecological heresy
Mr. Miliband was essentially conveying a message of needing to respect the law by siding with him to stop the actions of the Chancellor, whom he described as acting nonsensically. The Government’s stance on the matter was described as being very clear, emphasizing a conflict between Red Ed and the Treasury.
‘If it can’t be justified it won’t go ahead,’ drawled Ed.
‘I’m not gonna get ahead of any announcements that might or might not be made.’
A shrug. A doubtful recoil of the tweezered hairline. The sole sign of deadly Cabinet rivalry came when he turned to a prepared page in his notes and said ‘let me answer this carefully’ after the question was raised.
He noted precisely that governments are legally obliged to respect carbon budgets. He added that ‘this Government is committed to upholding the rule of law’.
Here was a secretary of state taking our lawyer PM captive. Mr Miliband was basically saying ‘if you really respect the law, Starmer, you have to side with me and tell our ludicrous Chancellor to cease her nonsense’. The Government’s position was ‘very, very clear’. Indeed: Red Ed is at war with the Treasury.
When Mr Miliband came wind-milling up to the committee room beforehand, his big feet splayed, I asked him where his official photographer was.
Today’s Mail reported he is taking on a c.£50,000-a-year ‘vanity’ snapper to catch him in all his glory.
Mr Miliband claimed to be baffled by the story. It was not something important enough to trouble a man of his importance.
He repeated this ‘not something I know about’ gambit when Toby Perkins (Lab, Chesterfield), the committee’s chairman, asked about the number of fossil fuel lobbyists who were part of Britain’s 470-strong official delegation to the recent Cop climate summit in Azerbaijan.
A plane flying over homes close to Heathrow. Net Zero secretary Ed was at a select committee, fighting sinuously to squash Rachel Reeves ‘s let’s-expand-Heathrow noises
Sir Keir and Ed Miliband in Baku for COP29. Mr Miliband grandly announced that in Azerbaijan he had extensive talks with the EU’s climate commissioner
‘I dunno about that,’ said Miliband languidly, wafting his wrist. Burly Perkins persisted. Mr Miliband: ‘I’d be surprised if we were doing that. I can write to the committee about that.’
It was a magnificent feigning of ignorance. A civil servant next to Mr Miliband muttered something about how fossil fuel lobbyists were merely ‘supporting the pavilion’.
Yes, we had a British pavilion at Cop. These things are 21st -century durbars.
Mr Miliband grandly announced that in Azerbaijan he had extensive talks with the EU’s climate commissioner, Vodka Hoxtrot. Only later did we learn he was called Wopke Hoekstra.
No wonder Ed is cross-eyed when he has to talk to chaps with such names.
Julia Buckley (Lab, Shrewsbury) hoped MPs would be included in the delegation to the next Cop, in Brazil. Imagine the Air Miles. And the bikinis. Is Shropshire not Eden enough for Ms Buckley?
Barry Gardiner (Lab, Brent N) droned on for ages. An uninterested Miliband said Barry’s question contained ‘a real level of detail, as I’d expect’. In Westminster-speak that means ‘you always do bore the pants off us’.
In the Commons earlier we had questions to Scary Bridget Phillipson, Education Secretary.
Barry Gardiner (pictured) (Lab, Brent N) droned on for ages. An uninterested Miliband said Barry’s question contained ‘a real level of detail, as I’d expect’
In the Commons earlier we had questions to Scary Bridget Phillipson (pictured), Education Secretary
Crumbs, she’s a misery, lips curled in distaste, eyes furious.
Every answer was turned into a party-political attack on the Tories.
You wouldn’t want to be her official photographer, not even for £50,000.
‘Smile please, minister.’ Instant frost and cracked lens every time.
