“Experiencing a Risky Sex Trend That’s Banned Abroad: My Story”

There is a disturbing sex trend that, while it has been around for decades, is re emerging as more people raise alarm over the dangerous act.

Dubbed ‘stealthing’, the act involves a man removing his condom mid-intercourse without his partner’s knowledge or consent. 

Two 2019 studies found 12 percent of women have ever been a victim of stealthing and 10 percent of men admitted to having ‘stealthed’ a partner.

Dozens of posts are popping up on social media from women who have experienced it and even men admitting to doing it themselves.

DailyMail.com went out onto the streets of New York City to ask people if they or anyone they knew had experienced or engaged in stealthing, an act considered sexual assault in various states.

Frankie, 20, told this website: ‘This happened to my friend last week. It happens to a lot of people.’

And 18-year-old student Aiko added: ‘It happened to me. I found out at one point that [the condom] was no longer on. It just disappeared.’

A third student said she knew it happened occasionally, but had no idea how common it was.

According to experts, the practice of stealthing is not solely about a preference for condom-less sex; it often reflects a man’s desire for control and dominance in a sexual encounter.

Sexologist Rhiannon John from Bedbible.com previously explained to DailyMail.com that some individuals may engage in stealthing as a way to exert dominance or show disregard for their partner’s autonomy, driven by feelings of entitlement or toxic ideas around masculinity.

‘Others might prioritize their own pleasure or the thrill of risk over the boundaries set within the relationship.

‘In other cases, it can even stem from malicious intent, such as sabotage or reproductive control, where the act is used for manipulation or harm.’ 

Most New Yorkers who spoke with DailyMail.com vehemently slammed the behavior.

Aiko, an NYU student, shared her personal experience of temporarily living abroad and engaging in sex with someone she didn’t know well but had strong feelings for.

She said: ‘When I lost my virginity in France, the guy took off the condom in the middle and like, wow, just left it inside.’

It wasn’t a traumatic experience for Aiko, but she was more confused, grappling with the realization that men actually do this.

‘It probably should have been [traumatic]. It was weird. It was definitely weird,’ Aiko said.

She added: ‘And like, I don’t f*** with that if people are doing that to girls, but like, it happened to me and I feel like it didn’t really affect me.’

Her friend, Jay, echoed this sentiment, adding the question of whether to use a condom should be discussed before sex is initiated and if one partner refuses to use protection despite the other’s wishes, they simply should not move forward.

Also an NYU student, Jay, 18, said: ‘I get not wanting to wear a condom, but… ask, right? If they say no, then no.’

Meanwhile, Frankie, whose friend it happened to, said: ‘She was really upset.’

‘This is common,’ she added.

Stealthing, also called nonconsensual condom removal, is not a new phenomenon, but researchers have only begun investigating it in recent years.   

The 2019 research on stealthing among men found those with a greater hostility toward women and a more severe sexual aggression history had ‘significantly higher odds of engaging in nonconsensual condom removal behavior.’

Additionally, men who stealthed were also significantly more likely to have ever had a sexually transmitted infection diagnosis or have a partner who experienced an unplanned pregnancy. 

In 2022, rapper Joe Budden publicly admitted on his podcast to having sex with partners who did not know he wasn’t wearing a condom, saying he ‘faked like I was putting a condom on before.’

He was hit with an onslaught of outrage and the clip raised awareness of the insidious practice and its myriad of harms to the victim.

This could include STDs and unwanted pregnancies to emotional trauma, including ‘feelings of shame, violation, loss of dignity, and autonomy,’ according to a 2018 article in the Penn State Law Review. 

Intense feelings of violation are also extremely common in people who fall victim to this behavior.  

One New Yorker, Paul, said he had done the same: ‘I just didn’t put it on. That must have been 50 years ago.’

Ms John said: ‘Victims may grapple with intense feelings of violation and betrayal, as their trust has been disregarded. 

‘This can manifest as shame and guilt, even though the victim is not at fault, as well as anger and rage toward the perpetrator, the situation, or even themselves.’ 

Over the last several years, people have been calling for stealthing to be classified as sexual assault or rape. 

In 2021, California became the first state to prohibit stealthing, classifying it as sexual battery and making it a civil offense.

Bills in Vermont, Maine and Washington make it possible for stealthing victims to pursue civil action against perpetrators, but stop short of criminalizing the act.

And Canada made stealthing a criminal offense in 2022. In the UK, stealthing is considered rape.

Arjun, 20, visiting from Toronto, said: ‘That’s terrifying that even New York doesn’t have that law and it’s just California. That’s really surprising to me, honestly.

‘Other states everywhere need to criminalize this. Because I’m shocked to know this, for real.’

While there are many reasons a man may secretly remove his condom during sex, one commonly posited is selfishness and need for control.

Jamie Wright, a trial attorney and founder of the Wright Law Firm in California, told DailyMail.com stealthing ‘is usually born out of selfish desires, control, dominance, or lack of respect for ones’ partner.’

Ms John told DailyMail.com: ‘Some people may seek to assert dominance or disregard their partner’s autonomy, driven by a sense of entitlement or toxic beliefs about masculinity.’

New Yorkers of all ages echoed those points.

Andrea, 48, said the behavior was likely linked to selfishness.

She said: ‘I think it’s somebody that is into a power position and wants to control and wants to kind of almost make the other person subservient.’

Meanwhile, Frankie said perpetrators are likely ‘immature men.’

She said: ‘I think it’s mostly men that think they’re, like, alpha and cool, and they love American Psycho and like Tyler Durden.’