Ethan Slater’s former wife writes about their divorce while he is dating Ariana Grande

Ethan Slater‘s ex-wife Lilly Jay has reflected on their split in an essay, revealing that she never thought she would get divorced.

Earlier this year, Slater and Jay’s marriage came to an end, with the Broadway actor starting a relationship with his “Wicked” costar Ariana Grande, who had also recently separated from her ex-husband, Dalton Gomez.

Grande and Slater’s relationship was widely deemed controversial due to its timing and the public backlash they received afterward.

Lilly Jay, a clinical psychologist specializing in perinatal mental health and child development, wrote an essay for The Cut that was published on December 18. In her piece, she shared the challenges she encountered after the breakdown of her marriage with Slater and discussed her experiences as a mother to their two-year-old son.

Jay reflected on the fact that no one enters marriage expecting it to fail, just like no one boards a plane anticipating a crash. She expressed her surprise at the divorce, especially so soon after giving birth to their child and amidst her husband’s newfound romance with a well-known celebrity.

The mother of one expressed that she was in a season of shock and mourning over a year after her marriage’s fallout became public. She wrote, “I deeply miss the life of invisibility I created for myself as a psychologist specializing in women’s mental health.”

Slater’s ex-wife shared more details about how caring for her son was helping her deal with the difficulties.

She explained, “Motherhood, I have learned, fills your time but not your mind. In the countless hours I spend rocking my son to sleep, pushing his stroller, marveling at his sweaty little hands grasping a crayon, I work diligently on my private project of accepting the sudden public downfall of my marriage.”

Jay continued, “This, I tell myself, is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide. Slowly but surely, I have come to believe that in the absence of the life I planned with my high-school sweetheart, a lifetime of sweetness is waiting for me and my child.”

Jay also wrote about how she and Slater were co-parenting their son, noting that their parenthood remained the same though their partnership had changed. She wrote, “Both of us fiercely love our son 100 percent of the time, regardless of how our parenting time is divided.”

However, Jay admitted that she was still struggling with the aftermath of her and Slater’s public divorce. She noted, “Days with my son are sunny. Days when I can’t escape the promotion of a movie associated with the darkest days of my life are darker.”

The therapist also revealed that her public divorce impacted her career, writing, “I can’t say for sure how much my career has been impacted by what’s out there online. But there have been hints along the way, like the job offer that dissolved without explanation after yet another tabloid news cycle or the patient who’s scheduled for a first appointment but seemingly vanishes.”

Slater filed for divorce from Jay in July 2023, a month before their son’s one-year birthday. The news of the divorce filing came after reports that Ariana Grande had ended her relationship with her ex-husband, Dalton Gomez.

Not long after filing for divorce, Slater and Grande started dating, with reports of their romance earning them severe backlash on social media.

There were speculations that Slater cheated on Jay with Grande, though he and the singer have since debunked that narrative.

Slater broke his silence on his controversial relationship with Grande during an interview with GQ in October. He acknowledged that it was difficult to have things about his private life become a topic of public discussion.

The actor also said, “It’s really hard to see people who don’t know anything about what’s happening commenting on it and speculating, and then getting things wrong about the people you love.”

However, Slater gushed about Grande, saying it was a “beautiful thing” to fall in love with her on set, before adding that he was proud of her and her work on “Wicked.”

Grande also spoke about the speculations about her and Slater’s relationship in a chat with Vanity Fair in September, expressing her disappointment that many people believed the worst version of events.