Am I Wrong for Prioritizing My Mom’s Feelings over My Wife’s?

A man is caught in between his mother and wife. The two women do not get along ever since the mother-in-law made remarks when the couple was still dating.

A man revealed on Reddit that he is married to a 30-year-old woman and sadly lost his father, 50, in an accident in 2023. He is now torn between his mother and wife, who have been at odds for the past three years.

The Original Poster (OP) further divulged, “While we were dating, my mom made the comment that she didn’t feel we were ‘right for each other.’ Since then, there has been a heaviness around them.”

OP shared that despite the animosity, his mother has apologized to his now-wife and always expresses her love for her. But his spouse has not entirely accepted the apology because she is convinced the mother-in-law only apologized after they got married and had “no choice but to accept [her],” said the man.

The couple later moved houses because of a job change after OP’s father passed on, and now they live only 20 minutes away from his mother. Recently, OP’s siblings made plans for the family to get together for dinner in the city, which is about 1.5 hours away.

However, the weather conditions were unfavorable, so OP’s mother asked to ride with him and his wife. She would meet them at their apartment and depart from there.

OP revealed that his spouse told his mother “no” and that she is old enough and should be able to drive herself to the gathering. According to OP’s wife, giving the mother-in-law a ride enables her “helplessness.”

OP explained that when his father was still alive, he used to do everything for his mother, including driving her to the city, especially during bad weather.

After his wife denied his parent a ride, the couple argued. “I told her we are giving my widowed mother a ride to see her kids and grandkids,” OP revealed.

Seeing that he stood up for his mom caused tension between him and his wife, too, and he felt terrible about that. OP feels guilty for choosing to consider his mother’s feelings over his wife and is now stuck between the two women.

Fellow Reddit users have commented on his predicament. While some take his wife’s side, others have expressed that they understand where his mom is coming from, mainly due to the bad weather conditions.

One person said they would instead reserve judgment and first hear more about the mother and daughter-in-law’s relationship. Moreover, one individual decided to be logical about the situation, saying using two vehicles while heading to the same destination would be a waste.

Someone else weighed in from both sides, saying that it was “unreasonable” of OP’s wife to refuse to drive with her mother-in-law while adding that if the mom often asks her son for help, then the spouse’s feelings are valid.

One online user called OP’s partner “petty” for how she handled this, while another assumed that he might be omitting more information from his post as it seems a lot happened even when his father was still alive.

Someone asked why OP and his loved ones would agree to drive for that long only to go to dinner when they knew it could be dangerous because of the dicey weather conditions.

Another person said OP’s wife was childish about this. The Redditor added that his mother had ruined things between the three of them, and it seems she has not done much to fix things. An apology and the words “I love you” are not enough for the user.

Another individual asked about the mother-in-law’s comment regarding the couple not being suitable for each other. The Redditor asked if OP’s mother genuinely said that or if it was hearsay from a third party. “And what was your response when your mom said that? What did you say to your mom? What did you say to your now-wife?” asked the user.

Do you think OP was right in standing up for her mother while going against his wife? Do you think the spouse is entitled to feel the way she does about her mother-in-law? What would you have done if you were in OP’s position?

Read more about a woman who wants her mother-in-law to move out of their home after she engaged in an argument with her mother.