Jo Wilder Was Joel Grey’s Only Wife before He Confessed to Being Gay

The love story between Jo Wilder and Joel Grey was beautiful until its inevitable demise after 24 years of marriage. Both actors acted on Broadway and had guest-starring roles on television when they met.

Jo Wilder gave up her career to care for her growing family with “Cabaret” star Joel Grey. Their daughter, Jennifer, became a star with the sleeper hit “Dirty Dancing” in 1987 with Patrick Swayze.

The mom of two was interested in health and wellness long before it was popularized in the mainstream and practiced yoga in the sixties. She advocates healthy food, which she imparted to their son James.

Jo Wilder, Jennifer Grey, and Joel Grey at the premiere of “Dirty Dancing” in 1987 in New York | Source: Getty Images

Who Is Jo Wilder?

Joan Carrie Brower grew up in a brownstone in Brooklyn, New York. In heer daughter’s episode of the genealogy show ‘Who do you think you are?” it was revealed that her father came to America alone because his mother died in childbirth in Ukraine. He became a pharmacist.

As a young actress, she took the stage name “Jo Wilder” and studied with Sanford Meisner at the Neighborhood Playhouse. In her 2022 memoir, “Out of the Corner,” Jennifer wrote that her mother had plastic surgery on her nose.

She had a long run as Penny in the play with music “The Threepenny Opera,” and took part in regional theatre productions like “Gypsy.” On Broadway, she shined in “She Loves Me.” On TV, she had guest spots on six shows, and two episodes on “The Defender.”

How Jo Met Joel

Wilder met fellow Broadway actor Joel Grey while on a date with another man at Du-par in Los Angeles and slipped him her number in the restaurant’s matchbook. He told a friend after the encounter, “I’m gonna marry her.”

In 2014, at the age of 82, Joel revealed that he was, indeed, a gay man.

Joel originated the role of Master of Ceremonies on “Cabaret,” the hit Broadway show that starred Lotte Lenya and bagged multiple Tony Awards. He was awarded a Tony for Best Featured Actor in a Musical. The actor guested on popular TV shows, including “Maverick” and “Bronco.”

Jo Wilder and Joel Grey attend a benefit event at Tavern on the Green in New York City on September 13, 1976. | Source: Getty Images

Jo and Joel Were Married in 1958 and Had Kids

Joel proposed three weeks after they started dating, and in 1958 they married. While trying to grow their family, she lost a premature baby boy. After a difficult pregnancy, she gave birth to their daughter, Jennifer. The couple adopted their son James when their toddler was four.

The actress dedicated her life to her young family and slowly gave up her aspirations to be a star. Her daughter idolized her and was in awe of her “movie star looks,” the walls of their home were a timeline of her parent’s careers. Jennifer wrote:

“The story passed down to me was that my mother gave up her career when she married my father, but I don’t think she signed on believing that was the plan.”

Devastating Divorce

Even though her husband Joel loved her and the children, he began to seek relationships with men. After twenty years of marriage, a period he later told PEOPLE was “the happiest of his life,” he came out to Wilder as homosexual and was cheating on her.

Not long after the revelation, Wilder filed for divorce which was finalized in 1982. Playbill asked the actor if his wife had suspected he was gay, to which he replied:

“None. Know why? Because I was totally in love with her. We were living totally a heterosexual life. I made a decision what I wanted in life: a family and a career.”

The Daughter of Jo and Joel Became a Popular Actress

Wilder’s daughter became a star in “Dirty Dancing” and “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” and in a nod to their famous name had a three-episode arc on “Grey’s Anatomy.” After her big hit, she had rhinoplasty with the encouragement of her mom. She said to PEOPLE in April 2022:

“She loves me, loved me, always has, and she was pragmatic because she was saying, ‘Guess what? It’s too hard to cast you. Make it easier for them.’ And then I did and she was right.

The actress had a second surgery on her nose which she regretted as it left her “unrecognizable.” She has a close relationship with both her parents. Wilder’s son James lives out of the spotlight and is a qualified chef.

Jennifer Grey and Joel Grey attend “Red Oaks” series premiere at Ziegfeld Theater on September 29, 2015 in New York City. | Source: Getty Images

Jo Wilder’s Husband Only Came out as Gay in 2014

Although his ex-wife and his closest friends knew he was homosexual, it would take Joel another three decades to come out to the world. The play “The Normal Heart” allowed Joel to speak “I’m gay” for the first time, and he found the experience liberating.

In 2014, at the age of 82, the actor revealed that he was, indeed, a gay man. By his side, as his unconditional supporter, was his daughter Jennifer Grey. Today, he is a best-selling author, photographer, and award-winning director who is finally living his life authentically.

On Mother’s Day 2022, Jennifer shared a special tribute to her mom. In an attached video clip of “Live with Kerry and Ryan,” she says that is is so grateful to still have her mother around, who is still doing well at 90 years of age. She praised her for being a “great champion of hers.”

The “Dirty Dancing,” actress said that she has always been in awe of her “magical mother, but became really grateful after becoming a mother herself. A fan said that Wilder looks like the “Good Wife” actress Julianna Margulies, “both beautiful.”

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